I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
