I think I died a long time ago.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
