All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
