So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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