dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
