Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
