You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
