just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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