i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
