my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
