We won't sleep together?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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