Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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