We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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