ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Randomize
