Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
