guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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