You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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