He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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