Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My life is pants optional.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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