YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
