My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
