Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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