fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
