if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
