I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
When are your genitals available?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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