Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
