I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
