watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
