let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
