swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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