Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
