Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
why do cheetos always look like penises
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
