I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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