4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
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