It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
