If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
