Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
