it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
