She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
