My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
