you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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