Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
