dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize