Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
