It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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