the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
