I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
