mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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