I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize