Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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