You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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