u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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