they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
