i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
