Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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