Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
