She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
