Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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