it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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