I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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