I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
