I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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