Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
