so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
